Let's Talk About It: Blacks Dating Outside Their Race

BY CHENELLE AGNEW

The dating world can be such a hassle and a heartbreak to the point we almost say “screw it”. Simple things like trust and loyalty seem too big to ask for, and an unhealthy cycle of hurt begins. We slide into our roles as strong black men and women, then we try to convince ourselves we’re better alone. More often than not this happens to our brothers and sisters. They are attractive, smart and talented, yet can’t seem to find their soulmate.

According to a new report by the Pew Research Center, 25% of Black male newlyweds married non Black women, in comparison to the 12% of Black women who “married out” of their race. There are many stigmas that come along with dating Black women. On a segment of “Iyanla: Fix My Life”, three men admitted that their bias against black women was due largely to past experiences as well as negative preconceived notions. While some won’t bat an eye to the progressive norms of dating, some find it problematic. In a race that thrives off of self love, strength and pride, dating outside of ourselves can help further disassociate “black” and “love”. Black men are twice more likely to date outside of their race than black women yet the backlash for it is much more significant for women. While the men are deemed as “lucky” and receive kudos for it, women are judged and labeled “sell outs”.

So what is the reason behind Blacks not only dating, but potentially marrying interracially? It doesn’t hurt to ask, so we did. 

Have you dated outside of your race? Why?

“Yes, my current girlfriend is actually from Bangladesh, my exes were white and Asian. This is the demographic I’ve been surrounded by since primary school”. Kwami, 23

Do you have a preference?

“No I don’t see race, if she’s cute, funny, smart I’m attracted to her... I’ve dated a black girl before and it felt like home (lol)”. Gregory, 22        

Do the stigmas of Black women cloud your interest in them?

“No, I’m not afraid of Black women, but I feel like fragile ego’s just aren’t made for our Queens”. Justin, 19

Have you received backlash from your interracial relationships? What was that experience like?

“My (white) ex girlfriend’s parents were extremely conservative, they didn’t approve of me and didn’t hide it. She ended things that night”. Chris, 23

I’ve learned a lot speaking with these gentlemen but what stuck with me the most was the confidence these men possessed; they translated to me that having thick skin is a major key when dating outside of your race.